The Union of Archangels
Pamela Knapp
March 2025
It was the physicality of the job that exhausted Lucy. Vengeance and retribution apparently require insufferable athleticism. For Michelle, it was the non-negotiable ‘endlessly patient’ clause in her contract that rankled, particularly in light of her dependency on Limbo, which could take eons.
“You have it easy Michelle, people come to you willingly. I however, have to get them in by hook or by crook. They’re usually kicking and screaming that we, ‘have the wrong person,’ or, ‘There’s been some mistake.’ My admissions process is a nightmare.”
“You’re always complaining, Lucy! RSI from poker prodding, acute heat rashes, wailing induced tinnitus. If you hate it so much, make some changes. Stop being such a mood hoover!”
Lucy counter attacked as she detected the approach of Michelle’s holier than thou speech about how grateful Lucy should be to have any job, given her, air quotes: ‘past’. “Well, pardon me for suffering! Don’t start raking up that business acumen rubbish, either! So, my takeover bid failed. Big deal. I ventured – I lost. End of. I’m just so busy now, the workload is diabolical. I’ve even had to outsource stoking.”
Michelle rolled her eyes, annoyed that she’d been robbed of the chance to bring up Lucy’s disgraceful fall from grace. Instead, she whined an unconvincing, “I have responsibilities too!”
“For opening gates and smiling? How difficult is it to say ‘Welcome,’ and be smiled back at? It’s hardly stress induced stroke territory, is it?” Lucy paused for emphasis but not quite long enough for Michelle to interject. “It’s a process, Michelle. You can’t go messing about with people’s expectations, it’s confusing enough at Purgatory Eviction without sending mixed messages. Damnation has very exacting parameters. An eternity of pain and misery is a hard sell. You never give credit for that.”
Aggrieved at Lucy’s infernal affront, Michelle literally irradiated righteous indignation. “Excuse me, but you don’t have the monopoly on people skills. The Saved do not, repeat, do not, just happily walk in. Some linger on the stairwells for ages. Ascension is a real pinch point for logistics. Who has to deny denials? Who has to explain about the one-way system? And yes, I do have to smile, but that’s not easy when you’re repeating the same rules on admitting relatives (and dogs) for the umpteenth time, and a host of Raptures are building up behind them who’ll ask the same blessed questions!” Michelle took a breath, clearly relieved to have got that off her chest. “It’s no Paradise, that’s for sure!”
The two grumbled on: No recognition of their work. Never any thanks for their professionalism. High time for a change at senior level.
“We were given these jobs to keep us apart and out of promotion prospects.”
“Yeah, I know. Supreme service is the Archangel curse.”
Lucy bit her lip before adding, “What’s your feelings about re….bel….li….on? Gabby said she’d spread the word.”
“Lucy! You’re such a little devil!”
The silent hiatus was divine before an almighty burst of laughter erupted from them both.
“I’m sure we can shake things up a bit,” said Michelle, “I’ll speak to the union. I’m not bragging, but they totally worship me!”
