THE GRANDURE THAT WAS ROME
338 BCE
Lucius Timidus Pusillanimous
First plebeian Censor of Rome
To
Brutus Menace Publius
Second Temporary (Acting) Deputy Magistrate
Don’t blame me for Rome’s defeat
By the puny Latin League.
The roads have given me sore feet
And wobbly chariot fatigue.
And I thoroughly object
To the published inference
That I scurried out and wept
At last week’s vote of confidence.
As for the salacious rumours
Of three naked Vestal virgins
Swimming in my pond,
Cavorting in my eastern garden.
The audacious perpetrators
Should be horse-whipped by their servants
And the ladies that were wronged
Be granted immediate pardon!
And see to it at once
You refer to all you saw
Of a certain young celeb
With suitable decorum.
Just remember dunce:
You are not above the law,
Nor the only trumped up plebe
In our distinguished Forum.
M McBride,
Autumn 2018
